Crooks of Konoha
by AK-103
Summary: He's supposed to be a ninja... but what changed? Well, he changed. Stress relief story. Read inside for details. Discretion is advised.
1. Chapter 1

**This may come as a surprise... but I think it won't hurt for me to return to my roots.**

 **As usual with stories that may come as a surprise from me, it is unclear whether this story will be continued or not. It is up to you, the audience, to decided.**

 **So with that said, please, enjoy.**

* * *

It is a night like every other.

Located in a place where the seasons of tropic reigns supreme, Konoha can be quite a warm place even during nighttime. This irrefutable fact can be confirmed just by standing in the middle of the village's square alone, or if you're too lazy to get your ass up from your chair, you can go and open the window of the house you're staying in.

Like any other night, the city life is still bustling with a sizable amount of activities ranging from careless night life or even illegal dealings. Konoha, despite its very militaristic infrastructure, lacks an active police force to, well, police its streets. The reason? Well, let's just say that tragedy befell the people in charge of said organization...

So, it should not be strange to see less than inconspicuous people roaming the streets at nighttime. However, crime rates are fairly low. The citizens, even the foulest and most degenerate of them, are fully aware of the consequence of criminal actions within Konoha. All criminals will be punished harshly. Forget human rights. Every punishment, regardless of how small the crime committed is, will have weight in them.

This is one of the reason why the previous police force was considered 'too relax' or 'undisciplined'... much to the previous administrator's chagrin.

Most of the activities that happen during nighttime occurs in the Commercial and Entertainment District. It shouldn't be said why or how are these two places thriving, but to the less knowledgeable, the reason is in the name.

People, mostly of the adult age, roam the streets in whatever stupor they have allowed themselves into. Most people are drunk, some are passed out and the third part of the group are somewhere in between. With fuzzy neon lights giving the place its appropriate and almost trademarked lighting, it's almost as if the place's a metaphor for flames attracting helpless moths.

But, when you're not drunk, passed out, or gambling away all of your money... you'll find yourself in less likable situation. For example?

Try getting kidnapped.

" _Hmmph! Hmppph!"_

"Shut the fat cunt up!"

"How do I do that?"

"I dunno, kick 'im?!"

" _BUUUGH!"_

...

"Good. There, now he's quiet."

On the rooftop of a random apartment building which looks like it needs a lot of maintenance and cleaning, two suspicious figures are conversing among themselves while surrounding a person. This person is bruised, bloodied and tied up; a gag preventing his mouth to make unnecessary noises. The hog tied man is by no means unconscious, oh no. In fact, he is very much conscious. It's just that the fear of being harmed, maimed or even touched again is overwhelming his instinct to scream out help.

Besides, it' pretty much useless at this point.

"So... we're supposed to rendezvous here, right?"

"Yeah... the Boss said he'll be here himself... but he ain't here yet."

"Gee, tell me something I don't know." a pause. "In fact, why did the boss decide to come here in the first place? We're more than capable of bringing this lard ass back to base..."

"I dunno, he said something about it making a very good opening scene to a story or something... well, anyway, let's just wait here. We'll know when the Boss is near, he is the original after all."

"Well, yeah."

This person who is currently all tied up and looking like a pork roast just before Christmas dinner is a person by the name of Yamashiro Yamada. To the common folks, this person is known as the owner of several recognizable establishment in the commercial district. Casinos, restaurants, bars... all those kind of den of iniquities. That is his day job.

His night job, however... is lot less respectable.

"Oh, the Boss is here."

"Sorry for the wait you two, the old man was taking too long."

One of the two clones chuckle. "It's okay Boss, we know how boring Jii-chan can be. Trust me." his laughter is shared by both his fellow clone and original.

The original or the Boss, as the clones have referred to him, is the first one to die down his laughter. Hopping down from the water tank he's standing on moments ago, he joins his doppelgangers on the roof. He shares the same uniform as his clones, only with slight alterations. Where the clones have their upper apparel tucked inside their pants, belts fitted properly with no sights of inclination, body harness and red tinted goggles; the original merely wears his apparel without the rest of the equipment mentioned.

This means only the upper shirt and the lower pair of cargo pants. The sleeves are rolled up, exposing his bare arms. The gray collared shirt is matched by the pair of cargo he's wearing. He, like his clones, also wears the black combat boots with his pants tucked into them, giving him – and his clones ultimately – a very rugged look, as if they're some sort hired mercenaries.

Which isn't completely wrong.

Glancing downwards, no doubt paying attention to the shivering and squirming man, the leader of the clones places a hand on his hips.

"So, this is the guy?" he asks.

"Yes, Boss."

"Hmph, he looks uglier than in the pictures." He sighs. "Oh well, you can't do anything about that." With a 'come here' gesture, he is ordering one of his clones to approach him. "Gimme your knife."

"Alright." the clone hands the original his kunai, which is pretty much normal in appearance and built. It is just a standard kunai, nothing is different about it.

Unless if you know that it is coated with a very potent hallucinogenic liquid.

The clones, knowing what their original is about to do, begins to act. They bend down to pick up the man, positioning him so that he's able to at least kneel on the floor.

"I don't want to play the role of the overly done villain who's supposed to ask you if you know why you're here... but, bear with me here, I have to." he sounds a little grin when saying that.

"Tell me, Yamashiro-san, how many women whose lives have you ruined?"

" _Mmmngh! Mmpph!"_

The leader motions to the man's mouth, cluing his clone to get rid of the gag covering it. This is done as quickly as possible.

"Uhuk...! Kuh...! Haah... I... I've never ruined anyone's life!" the man shouts with in his pathetic sounding voice. Whether it's like that to begin with or it's due to the fact he's been bound by a gag for the past two hours... we'll never know.

A pair of blue eyes blink in faux astonishment. "Oh, my apologies, I think I've used the wrong word-" chuckling. "-silly me... so, let me rephrase that-"

Without any regards – or care for the matter – of the pain he might have inflicted to the man, or his clones, one of his hands reach out to grab the man by his kimono's collar, lifting the way heavier man above the floor. The veins in his hand are bulging, but it shows no sign of letting go, much less tiring.

"How many women have you _raped_ , huh?"

This time, closer, he rephrases his question.

The stammering begins again. "W-What?! N-Never! I've never raped anyone in my entire li-OOF!"

He is then dropped back the floor, where the clones are ready to grab a hold of him again.

"Haah... they always make it harder than they have to." A sigh very close to almost sounding disappointment escapes the leader's mouth. "Well, Yamashiro-san, I can definitely say with certainty that you, in fact, have raped before."

He steps forward, and that stepping grows to a back and forth walking. All the while, he's playing with the tool he's holding in his hand. Inserting his index finger into the O-ring, twirling it-

"I can give you five names of the women that you have laid your hands on over the past few weeks."

-throwing it up into the air-

"Aishi Aiko-"

-catching it back in the O-ring-

"Mayumi Mei-"

-spinning it again-

"Yuragi Yuria-"

-throwing it back into the air-

"Sagiri Sayaka-"

-spinning it again-

"Aaand... _Kanno Kaede...!_ "

-instead of twirling it again, following the pattern, the kunai is flung straight for the man's head. It happens so quick that the bound man didn't have time to react. The only reaction he manages to let out is to seethe as the blade makes a small, but precise nonetheless, incision on his cheek, drawing out blood.

The blade clangs and clatters as it impacts on the ceramic tiles. Using his foot and hand, the clone to the man's left picks up the kunai, returning it inside his pouch.

"Those are the names of the women whose lives you've ruined." his tone cannot get any straighter than that. "But here's the real kicker: after you finish violating their body, you snuff the life out of most of them, dumping their bodies into a hole somewhere. And to those who're still alive, you've made sure that they couldn't do anything against you."

Despite saying this, there is no spite in his tone at all. But he's not being indifferent either, in fact, the leader of the clones showed several signs of annoyance and irritation during his speech, but nothing too intense or past those points.

Taking a few steps to reach the man, he is now way pass the threshold of personal distance. Crouching, the blue eyed blonde levels the man a look of... pity?

"It doesn't work like that, man. You can't just rape someone all willy-nilly like that." he pauses. "Well, you already did it, so it's useless to tell you this." With a little effort, he stands back up again.

"Hey, when will it kick in?"

"Several more seconds, Boss."

"Good." the boss of the clones look back down at the man again. "Hey, if you're still alive tomorrow, please don't commit something as atrocious as rape again, okay?. Stick to getting drunk. But, please, no DUI's, you hear me?"

"Uh, Boss, but we don't have anything to drive, here..."

"Well, we have horses? Does that count?"

"I guess...?"

Naruto sighs. His clones can be dumb sometimes.

* * *

It is dark.

There's no light.

No air.

No sound.

Nothing.

Yet he's alive. He can feel his body. He can move his joints, head and pretty much everything else. But he cannot see. All he can see is the eternal darkness surrounding him like a blanket. Then... slowly something begins to...

...smell?

Smell.

Yes. The reaction of his olfactory organ. He can smell something, but can't quite tell what it is.

It's faint, but distinct. Unlike something he has ever smelled before... perhaps it is why it's unfamiliar to him? The smell is getting stronger and stronger and it's getting stronger quick.

Pain. He feels hurt all over. Sore and painful sensation are being felt from almost all parts of his body.

What is that ringing sound? Now it's vibrating, loudly too. It's all over him, in his ears, it's beginning to hurt. Hurt. The ringing is hurting his head.

Light?

He can see now?

The darkness he's seeing starts to shimmer, almost as if it's fading away. And when the darkness clears, all he sees is light.

Sunlight.

It's... day time.

"Uwaaah... never thought that he'd be like this..."

"Mommy, why is that man naked in the middle of the road?"

"Ssh! Don't point Satoshi! Don't even look!"

"Hey... isn't that Yamashiro-san?"

In the early morning, the villagers of Konoha are treated to a sight that they thought they'll never see.

You see, aside from being known as a person who owns several prominent properties in Konoha's most prominent district, Yamashiro Yamada has earned the respect of the citizen of this village because of several acts in the past. He provided large amounts of donation to several relief actions to smaller communities outside of the village, he's known to be a very approachable man to his patrons at the properties he owned; he's just your overall nice and charitable man, really.

But... it's safe to say that starting from today, whatever amount of respect the people have for him has reached rock bottom.

Sprawled in the middle of the road in nothing but his skin, Yamashiro Yamada looks no different from a person who's had too much booze in his system. The fact that there are empty and broken sake gourds around him doesn't help his image at all. Well, it's not like there will be any image left for him to preserve. His eyes are bloodshot and he has the overall look of someone who's been on a trip of his lifetime.

"He's all beat up... you think he got into a fight?"

"No shit... euugh, he smells too!"

In the distance, three men dressed in green and black arrives at the scene. The people divide like waves, allowing passage and space for these men to walk through. Though it is not rare to see ninjas in full uniform, hell, this is a ninja village after all; it's obvious that they're here for business.

"Kotetsu, Izumo; grab the guy."

The shinobi standing in the middle orders his two subordinates. His eyes narrowing, he watches as his grab the inoperative man with little difficulty. The corner of his eyes develop slight twitching, showing that annoyance is starting to build up.

"Asuma-senpai, he's... been drugged." Kotetsu, who's checked the condition of Yamashiro before picking him up, says to the senior ninja.

Asuma raises one of his thick eyebrows. "Drugged?" then, his eyes narrow. "You think it's them?"

Izumo sighs, chuckling a little bit. "Yeah, looks like it's them. He sure knows how to make an arrest, doesn't he, senpai?"

The combination of two Chunins and one Jonin looks around the entire plaza area. There are posters everywhere, posters with Yamashiro's face on it. Naturally, people are paying attention to these medium posted on the walls, fences, street lights...

Underneath the picture of a smiling, saint-like Yamashiro are the words:

 **I AM A LIAR**

 **I AM A CRIMINAL**

 **I AM A RAPIST**

 **I HAVE BEEN JUDGED**

 **WOE IS ME**

After taking one good look at his surroundings, Sarutobi Asuma lets out a very long sigh. He's not even smoking.

"Dad oughta put a stronger leash on that brat..."

* * *

 **So, how is it? I know it's waaay shorter than anything I've written, but it's not like I plan this to be a full story. So for that reason, this'll be marked as a one shot.**

 **Leave your thoughts in the reviewer section and let me know if you want this to become a thing.**

 **Otherwise, I'll pump everything into _I'm just an immortal living my life as a youthful teenager_.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: All recognized characters belong to their respective owners. Touhou Project belongs to ZUN, Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and I'm just a hack of a writer who tries to make his cringey fantasies come true from writing fanfiction instead of getting a proper job.**

 ***Cries***

* * *

"Hokage-sama, you have an audience with the Selected Members today this afternoon."

Another sigh to add for the day. How many is it now, forty?

The old shinobi has definitely seen better days. Being at an age exceeding that the normal retirement age, he can't help but miss simpler days. When problems were simpler, solutions were simpler and people were simpler all over.

"Yes, please arrange my schedule for me, Kotori-kun." he waves his thirty year old female assistant off his office room, returning to solitary confinement once again.

However, it doesn't take long until his little bit of peace is disturbed.

"Hokage-sama, may I come in?"

Forty one...

"Come in, Kakashi."

Hatake Kakashi. A prodigy like a few others. The man who has gained the moniker Copy Ninja Kakashi enters the room in a very lax and unwilling manner. Almost as if you need to pay him to come here.

Well, it isn't false.

At least he's not reading his book this time...

The tall, grey haired, ex-ANBU Captain enters his boss's room in the most casual way you've ever seen a subordinate enter his superior's office. There is no hint of nervousness or anxiety in his eyes... eye. The green tactical vest he's wearing has several loose straps and undone pouches and if you look a little closer, you can see the laundry tag still attached to it.

"Sorry for the sudden appearance, Hokage-sama." If Kakashi's trying to apologize, then he's doing it wrong. "But I have 'urgent' news for you."

Forty two.

"Let me guess, is this about what happened earlier today, Kakashi?" If Hiruzen is surprised then... okay, he's not surprised at all. He knows that this will happen eventually.

"Well, it is, definitely." it's amazing how he doesn't even hesitate to say 'definitely'. "But I advice you to take this a little bit more seriously, Hokage-sama."

"Hm, why?" since when has he not taken Naruto problems seriously, huh? But after hearing the tone Kakashi uses, a part of the aged Kage cannot help but feel worry. "What happened this time?"

"We received complaints from the Commercial administrative about the recent... event. They say that Yamashiro's arrest was 'bad publicity' for them." the one eyed man pauses. "On the other hand, the – _and I'm using the term loosely here_ – media is demanding even harder for an audience with our local _enforcer_."

This time, things take the cake. Unable to withstand the surging headache, the Third Hokage pinches the bridge of nose, adding more wrinkles to his already... wrinkly face.

"I swear to the divines that if old age won't kill me, Kakashi..." The Kage looks up to his underling, letting his statement wander before continuing. "Either Orochimaru, the ghost of my dead wife or that boy himself will do it instead."

Whoa there old man.

"Maa, maa." Kakashi attempts to make things easier for the old man by dropping down this next fact. "Thanks to his effort, we managed to uncover that little scandal with Kusagakure and Kumogakure."

Oh yes, the Arms Distribution Scandal.

More about that later.

"True... but I'm beginning to doubt if I should let a thirteen year old do jobs like this, Kakashi." He'd crack open a cold one if he has any with him.

Wait, just what is a 'cold one' anyway?

The one eyed Jonin chuckles, placing a hand on his hip. "A _skilled_ thirteen year old doing jobs that he's definitely _good_ at doing, Hokage-sama." corrected the Jonin. "But if I may ask, Hokage-sama, why is that he's still allowed to do these tasks?"

"Because it's just like you said: he's damn good at doing his job. Other than that, his exploits always bring our forces under the spotlight, not to mention the financial rewards..."

"Wow, not really helping your image there, Hokage-sama." Kakashi deadpans.

"I know." forty three. "But times are changing, Kakashi. We can no longer have shared honor or something similar. We have grown selfish and become more individualistic, something that breeds greed." the older man pauses. "Not to mention, after the Kyuubi incident thirteen years ago, we are still in a lot of debts."

Even Kakashi has to wince on that one. Konoha's visit by a mountain sized Nine Tailed Demon Fox was not a good one, nor was it forgiving... in all kinds of way. The economy was peaceful back than, this means that everything was simple and contained. They had smaller trades with other major villages, but bigger trades with the smaller villages. Konoha wasn't rich back then... but it was stable enough to keep itself afloat for the next decade or two.

Then, the Kyuubi arrived, wiping and pissing on that fact.

The property damage, the number of lives lost, the amount of money they had to spend to even attempt to fix things back then... it was a crisis. Riots happened, the economy was literally broken and those simpler days was starting to become harder. It came to a point where Konoha had to ask for help from bigger villages. Yes, even rival villages. Thankfully, through diplomacy, every debt they owed was kept within financial bounds.

Though it still didn't stop Kumo from attempting to kidnap one of their clans' heiress... oh, and, even the Fire Capital had to make up excuses to not give them proper aid because of fear of being attacked by the Kyuubi.

Bitter memories aside, one cannot deny the contribution that _he_ has made for Konoha. He takes jobs seriously and he's cheaper to hire too! That's what sold Hiruzen, to be honest. Most of the income that comes from clients seeking out ninja services will be used to pay off their recurring debts, regardless of how small they are.

Guess where most of the civilians' taxes go to.

This burden is extended to those who carried out missions from B-rank and above. So, it's not strange to see less Jonins or Chunins roaming the streets. For the same reason, it furthers justify his decision of allowing him to perform arrests like what he did earlier today.

Besides, all arrests made are always provided with solid, irrefutable evidences. What's there not to approve?

"Still, I think that he'd be more than excellent as a part of our main forces."

Forty fucking four.

"Still going on about that, Kakashi?" the Hokage asks with a slight hint of irritation in his tone. "You know that he's not going to accept 'ninja' missions even if we decided to pay him."

Which he won't think of doing.

"Hmm... maa, why not we offer him jobs that goes along his line of work? Surveillance, analytics, bodyguard duties or a good ol' fashioned manhunt?"

"No way." the Hokage's voice cannot get any flatter than that. "He especially won't accept that last one, no wa-wait."

If the Hokage has x-ray vision, which he doesn't, he'll be able to see the smirk underneath Kakashi's mask.

"Say that again."

"What?" Kakashi asks, blinking with the innocence of a twenty year old virgin male.

"That second to the last one."

"Bodyguard duties?"

Kakashi has a finger pointed on his face. Looking at the aged Kage, he cannot help but be confused. "Hokage-sama?"

"That's exactly it, Kakashi." there is now a smile on the old man's face. But this worries Kakashi a little bit. "Bodyguard... why didn't I think of that?"

"Think of what?"

"Giving him a long term duty like that will at least get him off my mind for a few weeks, a month at most." The Hokage is already pulling out papers, ink and brush to be placed on his table for him to write.

"But for what mission? Do we even have anything—" Kakashi's one single eye widen in such a drastic way. "No. No way. You're going to make him in charge of..."

The smile on Hiruzen's face tells Kakashi the answer he needs to know. And from that point onwards, Kakashi regrets acting like a smartass.

* * *

"Boss, we've finished the newest batch. Should we store them now?"

One can only wonder how much chakra he has in store. If he's suddenly asked that question out in the street by a random passing ninja, he'll pause, think about it, before saying:

A fucktonne.

Ignoring the cryptic unit of measure, this, however, is a fact. He has a larger chakra capacity, thus more chakra, than the Hokage and twenty other Jonin combined. This can be considered a phenomenon if he is any other normal human being, much less shinobi.

But he is not normal by many means.

"Go and store them now, those things are thermosensitive and I don't want you guys fucking things up when we're already this far into the stage."

"Yes Boss!"

First, let's start with what almost everyone knows: The Kyuubi.

"Oi, you four, what the hell are you doing dicking around here? I thought you're supposed to help the others transporting the stuff to the carriage?"

"We're just taking a small break, 'is all."

"Well break time's over, go and get your ass back to work."

Long story short, he has the giant furball sealed inside his stomach. End of story. Oh, the thing is also a dick to him most of the times.

Second: he's also pretty damn good at the sealing arts.

Though it's really subjective, it is what the people at the Sealing Corps said. So... it's true?

Stopping his march through the front courtyard of his compound, the blonde haired, delinquent-looking thirteen year old stops on his track when he sees men in green vests being let into his territory by the clones he posted at the entrance.

Upon further inspection, those Konoha ninjas are not familiar to him. Frowning,he marches over towards the direction to get a better look and understanding of what is going on over there.

"Hey, what seems to be the problem here?"

The four clones in charge of guarding the entrance snaps into attention at their original's passive presence announcement. The Konoha ninjas look displeased, obviously, something is wrong.

Turning his head towards the ninjas, the boss of the clones asks with crossed arms, "Alright, what did my idiot clones do this time?"

"It's about last week's inventory." One of the ninjas speak up with an unchanging frown posted on his face. "We found several damaged canisters in the shipment."

"I'm sorry, what?" the original blinks like an owl. "Then why the fuck are you here?"

"We want you to reimburse them."

"Reimburse?" the blonde then sighs, fully realizing what he's dealing with. "Hey, you're new aren't you?"

"...yes?" Even his reaction is obvious.

"Then they clearly didn't tell you everything." the boss mutters darkly. "When something like damages happen during shipment, you blame the folks over at your logistics department; not us. We weren't the ones who handled transport duties."

The ninja representative looks faltered, expression shifting into uneasiness. He retreats to the small number of company he has with him, presumably engaging in a discussion on what to do from here onward. The clones watching them are waiting for their original's decision.

"Look here, to make your jobs easier-" pulling out a slip of paper from his shirt's pocket, the clones' boss proceeds to scribble words on it with the pen he has on hand. "-show this to your administrator. They'll get half the amount of shipment they lost during the delivery process and they won't have to pay for it. Consider this an act of good will from us."

The clone leader rough handles the paper into the the Konoha ninja's hands.

"Now git." He throws his thumb at the entrance of his compound.

Unable to say or do anything else, the ninjas do exactly just that. They return to the woods, making their journey back to the village, which isn't pretty far since this place is located on the outskirts, but not without dissatisfied grumbling.

Not far from the Konoha-Kusa border, lies this sanctuary known as **Kawakami**. This place is owned by a group of people, despite what it may look like. One of the owners is the boss of the clones himself, and the other two are in no position to be there at the moment. The entirety of the compound is quite large, covering a total area of a hectare, the place is almost like a small community, but it is currently only populated by... well, one person.

Uzumaki Naruto is that person. Oh, and his clones.

Oh yeah, the third thing that makes him different from ordinary people: he can spam a shitload of clones.

The compound is filled with short buildings to accommodate few facilities. There is the main building which is like the Hokage Tower version of Naruto's compound. It deals with administrative businesses mostly and Naruto's office is located there on the top floor. The left wing – dubbed area A – of the compound is where the storage area and medical bay located. The right wing – dubbed area B – is where the training area and mess hall is at, several units of barracks are set up there too.

"Thanks for that boss, I mean, you didn't have to deal with that." one of the clones says.

"Nah." the original waves it off. "Just make sure to dismiss and relay information back to me, just so that we can save time." And by information, he means the information feedback you'll get when clones dismiss themselves.

Speaking of information feedback...

"Oh God damn it...!" Naruto groans out in a loud voice. His clones give him a strange look.

Naturally, any information feedback that happens will only be received by the original. It's just how the technique works. "Hey, if any more of Jii-chan's men arrive, tell them to wait in the barracks."

"We expecting company?"

"Yes."

After that small exchange, the thirteen year old clone leader leaves the scene while uttering strings of curses that could make a certain silver haired cultist proud.

"What's he grumbling about now..." one of the clone asks, muttering.

"I dunno... something about a job, probably?"

"Meh, wouldn't count that out."

* * *

"So, to what do I owe the pleasure of being visited by you, _Jii-chan?_ "

The aged Fire Shadow chuckles at his surrogate grandson's sarcastic tendencies. He, along with Kakashi, is seated on a couch in one of the barracks' living quarters with Naruto sitting on the lone sofa opposite of them.

"Do I need permission to visit you from now on, Naruto-kun?" the Hokage asks with a little hint of amusement in his voice.

The blue eyed blonde gives his grandfather figure a dry look. "No, but I do every time I went to your office." he deadpans with mirth in his voice.

"Maa, perhaps we can strike up some sort of deal." he strokes his white beard on habit.

"So, I'm guessing that you're here with a job for me? If so, does it has something to do with the upcoming Festival?" the blonde asks with tiredness in his voice.

"You're as sharp as ever, Naruto-kun." the boy rolls his eyes under the praise. "Yes, it has something to do with the upcoming festival." the Hokage reveals. "But this job is unlike the jobs that you've done before."

It's no point to make conversations longer, Hiruzen knows this, but he needs to at least try to convince this boy to engage more in the conversation in order for him to even consider accepting the request.

Kakashi watches the two exchange. He's been serving his lord for almost his whole life up to this point and he knows Naruto on a personal level. But to see him act his job like this, especially with the way things are right now, is a little bit scary.

The boy is no longer a boy. In fact, it'd be wrong to refer to him as a boy.

A mere boy cannot do the feats that Naruto has done before, therefore, it would only be appropriate to call him a man and consider him on equal standing to those like council members.

"If this is shinobi jobs, then you know I wo-"

"Oh no, my boy." the Kage pauses. "Technically speaking, it is a shinobi's job. Though honestly speaking, I would have assigned my shinobi to do this job in the first place. But... I'm sure that you are aware that Konoha is in no position to use manpower freely."

The thirteen year old snorts before scoffing. "Okay old man, I'm listening."

 _Hook._

"We want you, and your clones, to act as security details for the Fire Lord's daughter who is visiting Konoha for the Fire Festival." like a careless father carrying his newborn baby for the first time, Hiruzen drops the news.

…

"...give me one good reason why I shouldn't reject this job."

 _Line_.

"Well, I can give you two, my boy." Naruto raises an eyebrow at that. It's strange for the old man to be this... diplomatic, strangely enough, because almost every deals that they've exchanged in the past resulted in him doing things for a low price.

So, if he's being diplomatic now... it means that there might be more in it for him.

"Alright, shoot."

"First, we'll pay you properly for once." Hiruzen sees the 'are you fucking with me' look on Naruto's face. "Don't worry, with the number of revenues we're raking up, we still have more to spare. It wouldn't hurt us to pay you properly this time."

But money won't just cut it here.

"And the second one... as the Hokage of Konoha, I'll act as your sponsor to the Fire Capital." Hiruzen is unable to hide the smirk that's slowly forming on his face.

 _Sinker._

"What?" That's Kakashi.

"What?!" And that's Naruto.

The outburst is short lived, however, seeing as the blonde is already beginning to move his mouth to speak. "I-I thought you said it was impossible to start up in the Capital!"

"Hm, did I tell you that?"

"You did!" the blonde shouts in righteous and unbridled anger.

But the Hokage waves the blonde's feelings off easily with his hand. "Maa, maa, what can I say my boy, I am old. The memory must have slipped my mind."

"Don't just play senile just because it's convenient you old goat!"

Kakashi watches the exchange with curious eyes. For once, he's actually paying attention to his boss and... former protege's(?) banter. You can't blame him, this is interesting even for him.

It's no secret to the three of them that Naruto has been looking for opportunities to expand his business – and he's using the term loosely – so seeing the thirteen year old surprised like this is no, pardon the lame joke, surprise.

"Hold on, hold on." the boy makes an expression akin to someone who's just swallowed a pitcher full of freshly squeezed lemon juice. "Even if you promise me something as promising and beautiful as a sponsor for the Capital, what makes you think that you can actually guarantee me a place there, huh?"

Though it's not often discussed, it is not strange for citizens of ninja villages to want to contribute to the Capital of the land they are living at. And it's not like putting up a good word about him is going to do any good. Granted, this is usually common with the normal folks – civilians, workers – and people like shinobi and Uzumaki Naruto are not a part of the normal folks.

The process is tedious, requires a lot of time to go through and is the epitome of paperwork hell for the Hokage. Though he'll enjoy the suffering that the old man will go through when signing those papers, he still can't imagine that the Fire Shadow himself will be the one sponsoring him to the capital!

"No, I should probably correct what I said." Hiruzen shows the way younger boy a grin that the boy thought an old man like him can never make. "I will be sponsoring you as _Sarutobi_ _Hiruzen_ , not as the Hokage."

At that point, Naruto passes out.

* * *

A Hokage is only as great as the deeds that he, or she, has done in order to gain that rightful position.

Take the very first Hokage himself, the Shodaime.

What has he done to deserve the title of Hokage?

He's one of the founder of Konoha. He's the one who grew the seemingly boundless forests that surround Konoha. He's the brother to the future Nidaime Hokage and a mentor to the current Sandaime Hokage who are considered to be legends in their own rights.

For the very same reason, Sarutobi Hiruzen has earned the title as well as the position as Hokage just as his predecessors did.

 **The Free Monkey. Sarutobi of The Diamond Valley. The Professor. The God of Shinobi.**

These titles are not just for mere decorations they assure you. For these titles tell the deeds and tales of his past achievements that have managed to justify his coronation as Hokage. Without a doubt, a Kage is only as good as the person it embodies. Which is why, following this pattern, not all shinobi can be Hokage.

"Okay."

Hiruzen and Kakashi reacts when they hear the voice come out of the boy's mouth.

"But tell me what is it that I'm going to be doing."

Hiruzen immediately recognizes the look on the boy's eyes as well as the tone he's using as he speaks. This is no ordinary thirteen year old, delinquent-looking boy he's speaking with.

This is **The Boss of Kawakami** he's talking to.

"Your job, should you choose to accept it, will be slightly different than what you usually do." the old man starts with a hint of sass. "You are to be a security detail for the Fire Lord's daughter herself."

It takes Hiruzen everything he is to hold back his grin when he sees Naruto's blue eyes widening.

"You will be in charge of everything that will guarantee their safety. Of course, not everything will be left to your jurisdiction." The man in white and red robe pauses. "You will be working together with a very few specialists from ANBU Black Ops as well as the Royal Fire Guards themselves."

This is crazy.

"But, your orders will take high priority over my ANBU. The same cannot be said for the Royal Guards themselves, however."

But at the same time, so _fucking_ _interesting_.

"Now, it is important to note how important and critical our VIP is, so you may not – I highly stressed those words – look bad while doing your job. We, shinobi, will do everything on our end to decrease the chances of a situation happening from foreign interference. At the same time, we will require you to be completely alert and initiative in carrying your job."

The seasoned veteran breathes in to prepare for his last set of words.

"Should... anything bad or unlawful happen to the VIP... you alone will be held responsible entirely and receive the proper punishment."

Hiruzen smiles.

"Otherwise, you will be rewarded. Greatly."

Like the fumes and debris of an erupted volcano, the silence sinks down quickly and heavily, putting the atmosphere of the room into a whole new category of 'uncomfortable'. The blonde haired, whiskered and short boss is running laps mentally.

He will need to use every ounce of wisdom that he has managed to collect in his short and, hopefully, ongoing life to make his decision.

Hiruzen's earlier offer may be rewarding and beautiful, but the phrase _high stakes high rewards_ is applied greatly here. The consequences he'll get should he fail... the rescheduling of plans that needs to be done... and the amount of favors he'll have to use in order to increase his job's success...

Yes, he's putting a lot of thought into this particular decision. Far more than what he has ever put in the past.

With a great amount of amusement, both the Kage and the Jonin stares at the silent-as-a-statue boy.

After a lengthened period of waiting, Hiruzen speaks again.

"What is your answer, my boy?"

Naruto does not answer in the first five seconds.

"...when will they be here?"

One can almost see the glint in the Kage's eyes when he asks that question. No, scratch that, you can see it.

"They will be here two days before the day of the festival." Hiruzen hums, doing mental calculations in his head. "So that means exactly thirty days from today."

The Fire Festival is celebrated on the 24th of July. It is both celebrated at the Fire Capital and in Konoha. It is the day where the citizens of the Land of Fire or Fire Country celebrate their long traditions. It is an important day because, at the same day, Senju Hashirama and Uchiha Madara themselves visited the Fire Lord – Daimyo – to make Konoha an official ninja village with sworn alliance and loyalty to the Daimyo.

So, basically, it's like this:

It's like Christmas. But instead of buying and giving gifts, people spend cash on booze and cheap wanton hookers.

Oh and food too, I guess.

Spirit? What do you mean the spirit of celebration? That kind of thing died ages ago.

But back to booze and cheap wanton hookers, what comes with booze and cheap wanton hookers? People. What comes with people? A crowd. And what's in a crowd? Potential trouble.

"Oh, and please do take this seriously, Naruto, the Fire Lord has a lot of enemies; even in his court." Hiruzen speaks in a louder voice than normal. "His enemies will not hesitate to exploit every window of opportunities they can get."

Great, that seals the deal for trouble.

"So, what, will I have to worry about people from the Fire Palace trying to kill the Daimyo's daughter?"

Hiruzen merely chuckles, shrugging his undoubtedly wrinkled shoulders. "I don't know, what do you think?"

"Fuck you old man."

"Already did, boy. A long time ago."

Both Naruto and Kakashi reels back in disgust.

"Ah, right, bad mental image. Sorry."

Somehow, something tells them he's not. At all.

* * *

Let us go somewhere peaceful but not really at the same time. Unlike their more... militaristic and violent counterpart, the Fire Capital prides itself for being a prosperous and wealthy government entity. They have the resources, they have the money and they most certainly have the man power to carry out what needs to be done.

Considered as the Heart of Fire Country, the Capital is not only a beautiful place, but also a busy one. It is located at the South-Eastern part of Fire Country with easy access to sea on both the West and the East. The climate is warm with hot summers and very... disappointing winter, but spring is actually quite a season to be experienced. It is a large entity. It being the Heart of Fire County and the place where the Daimyo resides, it is at least comparable to a Kingdom of its own, which is technically the case since the Royal Fire family owns the majority of lands in the country.

With high walls, proper military and ruling infrastructure, it is no doubt fit to be called a Capital. Just like a Hidden Village, the Capital is ruled by a leader and that leader is none other than the Daimyo himself. But as the saying goes, the king does not rule alone, he has his subjects royal subjects with him. But for this time, our focus is not on the king's subjects nor the king himself.

It'll be on some more... interesting group of people.

"Marisa...! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU HIDE MY RIBBON!?"

Fear the Shrine Maiden of Paradise, for if you stumble upon her wrath, you will have hell as your next destination.

No, you wish you'd end up in hell.

In the, supposedly, peaceful courtyard of the Fire Palace; a girl wearing a very modified and personalized shrine maiden uniform with a yellow neckerchief and an exposed pair of armpits is currently marching through hellbent on finding whoever this Marisa person is.

Accompanying her aggressive gesture is an equally aggressive, if not even scarier, expression fixed on her face. She might as well be wearing an Oni mask, because that will make it easier for the guards on post to deal with. Loitering around the courtyard with the task of finding the person who has 'borrowed' her precious ribbon, this shady shrine maiden now has several guards approaching her.

"A-Ano, Miko-san..." one of the guard, a young man who's barely in his twenties, starts by addressing her by her rightful(?) title.

" _ **What?"**_

The young man nearly pisses himself when the shrine maiden turns around to look at him. He swears that he saw Death staring at him for a second. Maybe something even worse than death!

This time, a more senior and older guard approach the shrine maiden. But just because he's older, doesn't mean that he's less scared to deal with her.

"Miko-san, please kindly lower your voice. The peace of the palace will be disturbed." His voice is much more contained and confident. Still, not like he's less scared of her.

Crack, crack.

"Peace?" the shrine maiden's neck is making some very disturbing noises. "I'll show you peace after I'm done giving that thieving witch a _peace_ of my mind!" her shouting does not lessen. In fact, it may have just gotten louder. "Where is that witch!?"

As if on cue, a blur of black and white zooms across the courtyard's airspace, causing the guards and shrine maiden below to shield themselves from the gust of air. Their eyes drew skyward, but the red and white shrine maiden is quicker to spotting the flying annoyance.

"Hehehe, looks like you've been getting sloppy, Reimu!"

Reimu's left eyebrow is having a seizure. Her exposed shoulders shiver in what is identifiable as rightful and contained fury that is about to be released onto Marisa's deserving behind anytime soon.

On the sky, seated in a very relaxed manner on a hay broom, is another girl. Unlike red-white on the ground, this girl a black-white. No, she's not a pop singer, but she'll argue otherwise. With a large, roomy witch's hat, it's very easy to tell her profession.

She's an ordinary magician.

Dressed in a clothing consisting of colors that are primarily black and white, Marisa does not look like she belongs to the oriental environment around her. She looks like those people from the Western nations, a fact that will no doubt garner her several raised eyebrows if she is to be seen hanging around on the street.

 **"Kirisame Maaariiiisaaaaa..."**

"T-Taicho...! I-I think that the ground's shaking!"

"It **is** shaking you fool! Run!"

The guards fled their posts.

Marisa has lost all of her relaxed and chill composure. She looks worried now. With a sheepish grin and eyes bleeding the signs of regret, the witch gulps down air as she sees Pandora's Box slowly opening.

"Uh oh."

Oh, you're regretting it now?

"Shit, uh, Reimu, look, here." fiddling with the half apron on her person, she takes out a familiar looking red and white ribbon, showing it to the girl on the ground. "I-I'll drop it to you, y-yeah? We'll be cool, right, ze?"

But her words fall on dead ears.

In a literal flash of light, the shrine maiden is instantly in the air. Marisa's danger switch is flipped on and now she is really regretting what she's done.

"Well, gee, _thank you very much_ captain obvious!"

 _You're very much welcomed_ , lieutenant sarcasm.

The blonde haired witch can only let out uncomfortable laughter as she attempts to diffuse the ticking time bomb that is her best friend, and soon to be murderer, Hakurei Reimu.

"Whoa, whoa, Reimu, we don't wanna cause trouble in the palace now would we, ze?" Marisa asks.

"It's you who's causing trouble." the moment Marisa sees herself pull out paper ofudas or paper charms from her detached sleeves is the moment Marisa truly regrets stealing Reimu's ribbon.

With her eyes showing nothing but fury, Reimu is going to Fantasy Heaven her best friend's ass.

"I'm just solving it."

During that time of the day, the people of the Capital swear that they saw giant Yin-Yang orbs from the direction of the Royal Palace.

* * *

Somewhere inside the palace, inside one of the most decorated room, or the Princesses' shared entertainment lounge room to be specific, a long haired woman sneezes.

"Kuchu~! Kuchu~!"

Cutely.

Her small button like nose colors slightly after the small action, causing her to shiver in discomfort.

"Hime-sa~ma... are you really okay?"

The owner of the cute sneeze allows her personal attendant a small smile. Letting out a chorus of heavenly giggles, she waves the attendant's worries off with a mere wave.

"I'm very much fine, Udonge." her smile seemingly has the capability of easing its way to people's heart, and that is what happens right now. "Yagokoro-sensei is my medical advisor, after all."

A small playful pout forms on the princess's beautiful face. "And you are her assistant, for heaven's sake, have faith in your master!" the way she admonishes her attendant is nothing more than playful.

"O-Okay Hime-sama... but please, tell me if you are feeling unwell." the purple haired and properly dressed attendant pleas to her lady. "Your health is very important to us."

Giggling once again, the princess rubs her friend's shoulder. "It's okay Reisen, I am fine." the playful pouting returns. "Muu, I swear, you're becoming more and more annoying!"

"It's for your own health Hime-sama!"

Deep within the Fire Capital's palace, a very beautiful princess resides.

And thus begins people's questioning on what does a princess has to do with one of the most crooked person in existence.

* * *

 **When I say I was going back to my roots, I wasn't kidding.**

 **If you think that I started out fanfiction by writing romcom high school stories, then you're wrong. This is my first step at fiction writing.**

 **Where I completely ignore canon, haters who hates me for ignoring canon, people's opinion, build up my own backgrounds and history and somehow combine them with existing lore that I decided not to ignore and combine them into one story.**

 **Good ol' fashioned fanfiction writing there.**

 **Well, bottom line: hate it, love it, do whatever you want.**

 **This story has officially become my 'stress relief' story. :P**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry, it seems that I have been doing a lot of 'stress relief' lately.**

 **Disclaimer: All recognized characters belong to their respective owners. Touhou Project belongs to ZUN, Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and I'm pretty sure that I'm neither ZUN or Kishimoto.**

 **Hmm... I should probably put this into the crossover category... yeah, I guess I should.**

* * *

"La la la la~!"

In one of the many long hallways of the Royal Palace of the Fire Lord, a lone maid is sweeping the floor with her straw broom and an expression that gives people the impression of someone who has just received their monthly salary.

No, to those who are wondering, she hasn't received her salary. But she will soon.

This particular maid who is currently doing what she is supposed to be doing is not... very important, hence her unknown identity. But for convenience sake, we will simply refer to her as Meido-chan.

She is the epitome of average. Everything, sans for her name, is average about her. Her looks, height, weight, stature and even... body form is average. But if there is one thing that stands out the most about her, it is the seemingly unfaltering smile that is always stuck to her face like... Chernobyl nuclear waste stuck to its concrete reactor grave. Aside from that, everything about her is ordinary! The aura she emits, ordinary! The way she is dressed, ordinary, even if she's in uniform!

Needless to say, it's very easy for her to join the other peanuts in the gallery.

"Ah, Meido-chan, you can take a break now." a newcomer enters scene, bearing a similar cleaner uniform like Meido-chan's. The newcomer is also accompanied by a troupe of other similarly dressed workers. "We will take over from here."

Meido-chan pauses her duty, taking a moment to face her caller. She then shows the group a very warm smile that can seemingly brighten up even the most pessimistic of people.

"Ok~ay!" Like a new born baby bird, she hops over to the door, eager to leave in order to receive her well earned break. The labor duties are shifted to the newly arrived troupe of cleaners.

Though they are not necessarily maids, nor do they wear the trademarked maid uniforms, they perform their duties like one.

The more appropriate terms would be house cleaners since that is all they do. Maids, on the other hand, are far better equipped and trained to fulfill other jobs such as cooking, care taking and even secretarial duties. Though her prowess in those three are quite lacking, especially the last one, she will try her best to do her job as one of the Royal Palace's employee.

And not just because it'll look good on the resume.

Bounding through hallways in her chipper and hipper attitude, she encounters a familiar curtain of purple hair and bunny ears. Yes, you heard her right, bunny ears. Oh but don't worry, those aren't real.

...probably.

"Reisen-san, hello~"

"Ah," the purple haired bunny girl's look falters, turning to one of genuine confusion. "-er... who are you?"

"Aww... that's so mean Reisen-san~"

"No, honestly, I don't know you." The purple haired woman deadpans.

She knows that this person is a part of the cleaning staff, at least, with how she's dressed. "I'm sorry if I come off as rude." But she is confused. She recognize faces of people she's met before, so if this person knows her, why doesn't she?

"Haah, it's fine Reisen-san, this is my first appearance in this story after all."

"What?"

"Nothing." the member of the cleaning staff says quickly before breaking into a fit of giggles. "How are you today, Reisen-san, is there anything I can do to help?"

Despite the fact that this person has just ignored her question Reisen allows herself to open a conversation. "I am fine, great in fact. But shouldn't you be cleaning? I think I saw several cleaners heading the way you come from?"

"Oh, I am currently on break~"

"T-Then you should be taking a break, right?"

"Ahaha, but I think we don't have anything better to do here other than cleaning in the first place, Reisen-san."

...she cannot say anything against that.

"Anyway, Reisen-san, is it really okay for me to hold up your time like this?" Meido-chan fidgets, realizing what she has done. "I-I don't want to cause problems, so..."

Reisen waves her arms in a reassuring manner while looking a little bit sheepish. "It's okay, I've finished what I was doing anyway. I'm on my way to return to Hime-sama, so it's fine if I talk for a little while."

"Ok~ay, Reisen-san."

She may not know this person personally or close enough to make judgment, but Reisen feels like Meido-chan somehow stands out more than the rest of her co-workers. Feeling that her conversation has gone longer than necessary, Reisen raises her hand.

"I'll need to return to Hime-sama now, please, excuse me."

"Of course~ see you later, Reisen-san~"

Yes, it is a somewhat normal morning in the Fire Palace.

* * *

At around seven in the morning, the solitary and privately owned compound on the outskirts of Fire Country, within a two days worth of distance from and to Konoha and also known as Kawakami; activity is already bustling all around the compound.

Blonde haired clones are everywhere, dressed in BDUs and other sort of gear that readies them for whatever daily tasks that they have to do. Activities ranging from the loading and unloading of supplies from horse dragged caravans, transporting of metal cased containers filled with dangerous chemicals and many sorts of shady liquids that will undoubtedly be used by Konoha's T&I Department, sorting of important paper documents inside the main building, resupplying of long term food supplies into the pantry and many more are being done in a very synchronized and perfect pace.

This is due to the fact that every clone is the same person and with a shared mindset divided to almost four hundred clones, the job gets done easier and faster. This is what separates conventional workers from clone workers. Clone workers are literally expandable, but they are not useless either.

"Everything's going smoothly boss." A clone reports to his original, sweating around his neck and forehead area. But tiredness does not wipe the smile on his face. "I think we should be able to finish ahead than scheduled."

The original of the clones nods, looking very satisfied of the report. "Good. I prefer not to have to worry about being behind schedule when the festival starts, it'll take me everything I am – sorry, _we_ are – in order to prep for our future job."

"Ah, speaking about that boss, it won't necessarily be a long term one, right?"

"The festival will last for a week, seven days. So not really, we've taken jobs from the old man that took longer days to finish. But out of all those jobs, this one is the most important." His tone takes a heavy edge as he finishes his statement.

"Yeah..." the clone sighs. "Being in charge of the safety of the daughter of the Fire Daimyo himself. A real princess, not those lame noble daughters we've worked for before."

Naruto, the original, coughs. "Still, we got a good haul from those jobs. So I don't want any of ya', my clones especially, making it look like as if we weren't doing any work."

"Aye, aye, boss." the clone hums, his replicated brain thinking of things to resume the conversation. "Say, remind me again, why do we have facilities here in the first place?"

The original Naruto, who is looking through several paper documents in his quarters, pauses his work to give his doppelganger a nasty glare. "I'm not that lazy. And you're me, you should know."

"It'll make things better for the readers to have information relayed through speech rather than just dropping it off in narration." the clone deadpans to his original.

"Oh." Naruto blinks, surprisingly satisfied with his clone's reason. "Well, now that I think about it, I'm beginning to question the purpose of it too. I'm the only one who's, basically, living and using this entire compound. Aside from you guys, there are no one else. But, those two wanted to have functional facilities that could be used in the long term. This means building barracks and acquiring medical equipment for future needs. A just in case situation."

"But, so far, we haven't have a need for any of 'em."

"Yeah, that's right..." the boss sighs. "But, I don't know, something tells me that we're going to need everything we have for our upcoming job."

"Ah, yeah." the clone nods. Then, he claps his hand, smiling. "I guess I better dismiss myself now, boss."

"Oh, you're free?"

"Sure am."

The real Naruto shrugs his shoulders. "Alright then."

Without further ado, his clone puffs into a white plume of smoke. Thanks to him being an avid user of the Kage Bunshin, Naruto is not annoyed of the thick screen of smoke blocking his view whenever his clones dismiss themselves near him. Really, the memory feedback he'll receive is more annoying.

There is a five second delays before the feedback kicks in.

"He knew about it after all..." the blonde shakes his head in a disappointed manner. "Man, _I'm_ such a jerk."

* * *

"Oho, Reimu, ze, look'it here."

"What is it now Marisa?"

So far, their stay at the Fire Palace has been a comfortable event. Ignoring the stunt that the blonde witch pulled at the courtyard the other day, the hospitality that they have been showered throughout their stay in the Palace has been invaluable and delighting. Especially for the brown haired shrine maiden. Yeah.

Forget eating a full course meal. She's lucky when she has enough tea to drink for the day. She thrives on green tea and crispy rice crackers alone; those are her basic sustenance in order to not starve. Sometimes, the rice and dumplings that she'd... eh... acquire from her acquaintances would be quite the treat to enjoy but as of now, she'll settle by the meals provided by the staff in the palace.

And thanks to her Hakurei metabolism, she can indulge in as much food as she wants.

Marisa raises her fork which has a thick piece of duck breast stabbed into it. The meat juices are leaking from the reddish-brown skin of the duck, and as she bites into the meat, the skin makes a sweet crunching sound. The blonde witch's face glows in delight and the overall foodgasm she's experiencing.

"Hmmm~ this is so good, ze! Definitely better than the ones that Alice makes!"

"Oi, don't let her hear that, she'll be hurt." Unlike her crass for an ass friend over there, Reimu is quietly enjoying her meal. She won't deny the sheer superbness and deliciousness of the meal she's currently enjoying, it's just that she knows when to control herself. "And please, don't just eat the meat Marisa. Leave some for me."

"A'ight, jeez, ze... ah but, this mushroom stew's good too." switching from her fork to a spoon, she dips the eating utensil into the mushroom soup filled bowl.

The fragrance of miso and wakame blending along with the fresh forest mushroom makes for a very mouth watering aroma. The miso based stock is perfectly colored too. Not too cloudy, but not too clear either. The reason for this is because the miso is not directly added into the pot when cooking. The cook stirs the miso paste on a large scooping laddle as the water boils, letting the flavor dilute slowly.

"Oh geez... let's do more jobs for the Fire Palace again next time, Reimu!"

Sighing, the indifferent shrine maiden casts her partner a very dry look. "You're subtly implying for more Yokai to attack the Capital, you idiot. And I doubt that they're gonna shower us with the same kind of food and hospitality the next time we're here anyway."

"But, hey, never hurts to try."

The dining room has only been filled with the constant chattering between these two girls. Aside from the occasional outside noises that bleeds into the room coming from the sound of cleaners cleaning the large hallways of the palace, the overall atmosphere is calm enough to warrant the state as peaceful. The two girls resume their meal in their own respective manner. Marisa is unable to stop showing her fascination for the cuisine displayed before her, always commenting on how delicious they are. Reimu, on the other hand, enjoys her meal with the volume output of a statue. She prefers to quietly indulge in her meals and only talk when Marisa asks her questions.

"So, we're supposed to meet with the bunny girl again after this?" Asks the blonde haired magician to her red-white friend.

"Yes." the shrine maiden says in a brief tone. "She said that she wants to talk to us about some very important things."

"Oho?" Marisa delays the piece of duck breast from entering her mouth. "Why, ze?"

Reimu's only bare shoulders shrug, showing cluelessness. "Dunno. But whatever it is, I get the feeling that we won't be returning to our own respective homes so soon."

"Meh, is' always okay with me." now it's the witch's turn to shrug. "I live in Fire Country, just outside the capital's outskirts, deeper into the woods." she reveals. "While you, on the other hand, live closer to the sea, south of the capital where it rains like crazy!"

The last bit of reminder causes the red and white shrine maiden to groan in displeasure. "Ugh... don't remind me. I have enough living in that decrepit shrine all alone with no visitors coming to give me donations, but having to endure heavy rain and the unbearable tropical heat?!"

She shouts to the ceiling. "Do you know how much money I've wasted for shrine repairs?! More than what I spend for my food!"

Let it be known that Reimu is indeed poor, but she is not desperate.

"Who're you shouting to?"

"No one." the shrine maiden coughs, setting aside her chopsticks for her tea mug. After washing down her gullet with a warm mug of green tea, she speaks again. "Anyway, better enjoy what I can now. God knows if I'm ever gonna receive any more jobs in the future."

"Preach it sister." Marisa gives her friend an approving look before swallowing a mouthful of rice and duck meat. "Mah, anyway, let's just finish everything here then we can see what that bunny girl wants from us."

Setting down her chopsticks, Reimu grumbles, "Fine."

* * *

"Ah, Hakurei-san, Kirisame-san, so good of you to join us."

Entering the large, spacious and overly decorated room; the two best friends cannot help but feel a little overwhelmed by how grand the interior is. While it is not at the same level as the palace's lobby, everything is still as intricate and royal. However, it does not lose the traditional eastern feeling. The flooring is entirely made out of tatami mats, strong brick walls with wooden ceilings and the paper sliding doors present as access to different parts of the room. The one that Reimu and Marisa are currently on is the living area, a place that is normally used for holding tea ceremonies and such.

Everything here is furnished with the most traditional of things, from shelves to mirrors, calligraphy posted on the walls along with minimalist ink paintings and the scent of lavender heavily lingers the room. Marisa has set her broom aside next to the door and she and her best friend placed their footwear outside as courtesy.

Reisen, the bunny girl, is sitting in a seiza position still dressed in her work attire. Like Marisa, Reisen looks so out of place in such a minimalist Japanese styled room; at least Reimu looks the part.

Not saying that they aren't Japanese, mind you, it's just that there is no real definition of who's Japanese and not in this setting...

Anyway, the two friends are here for a reason and Reisen is about to tell them what for.

"Thank you for joining us here, Hakurei-san, Kirisame-san." Reisen does a small bow, showing them her utmost gratitude and appreciation.

Reimu raises her hand, looking a little bit uneasy. "Please just call us Reimu and Marisa, we don't do well with all of this... curtsy and stuff."

Rather then looking surprised or offended like any other person of noble position would, Reisen lets out a few small giggles, her hand hiding her mouth.

"Indeed, we have had enough of the pleasantries ourself." shaking her head, the bunny eared woman then sighs. "But we are not kidding when we say that we're very thankful for what you've done for the Capital."

"Iya, iya~" Marisa waves a gloved hand at the purple haired woman's words. "It was nothin', really. Me and Reimu, we've been doing things like this our whole life, heck, it's things like this that give her the money she needs to buy food!"

Sending her crass friend strong glare, Reimu restrains herself from hurting Marisa in every way one can imagine. "...haaah." she closes her mouth again.

"Ignoring that last part, Marisa wasn't lying when she said that we've been doing this for a long time. Youkai extermination is our job and we've done enough errands that can be considered as hard. It's just a day in our life, you see... but, if I have to be honest, there haven't been any good jobs so far..."

Reisen giggles again. "How interesting." she shifts a little bit in her position. "It is not often that we deal with Youkai... but Fire Country is not a stranger to them, I am proof to that." one of her red eyes wink in a playful manner. "In any case, let us get to the point of why you're here: Hime-sama, are you prepared?"

A voice as soft as silk pierces through one of the many paper walls. "Feel free, Reisen."

The sliding paper door behind Reisen is opened by the rabbit girl herself. Reimu and Marisa have met their fair share of interesting people. From good ones to crazy ones, less than desirable ones to some of the most attractive people they've met. But to see the Princess of Fire Country in all of her beauty and best attire is not something that they get to experience often. Seated on the mat is a woman of heavenly proportions and stature. If Marisa thinks that Reimu's skin is pale, then this woman must be an alien or something. Her hair provides that undeniable contrast, it being a color that heavily balances her porcelain white skin. The pink silk kimono she wears is definitely not something you'd find in Reimu's drawer. It screams of wealth and status, much like Reimu's scream of obvious starvation and plain poverty.

Okay, a little bit mean there.

But in all seriousness, this woman before them has the right to be considered drop dead gorgeous. Her skin gleams underneath the dim lighting the room gets from the sun outside, but even so, it's enough to emphasize her radiance.

"Ararara... so you are the two brave maidens who defeated those yokais, are you not?" Her voice is akin to a perfectly tuned koto being strummed by an experienced player. Very pleasant to the ears.

"Yes we are." looks like even to a princess of a country, Kirisame Marisa is still capable of being so easy going. "Your father thanked us enough already princess, but hey, we're not complaining if you wanna pitch in."

Reimu would have slapped her friend for acting so crass, but she at least cares about how she present herself. Well, at least with what she has on her disposal.

"What this witch said is true..." Reimu' words goes unfinished and for a valid reason.

The Princess of Fire Country, despite the title she has, is rarely talked about much less seen by the people of her own country. She is only there in name and presence, left to be admired in secret by her admirers. But it's not like her existence is some sort of super secret that needs to be kept to the death or anything. It's just...

She doesn't go out much.

"Oh my." Making an uncharacteristic pouty face that does not hinder her beauty by any means, the princess mock glares at her attendant. "Rei~sen... you forgot to introduce me to them?"

Aw crap... is what goes through the purple haired bunny ear wearing woman. Looking mighty suspicious with sweat forming on her forehead, Reisen tries her best to not look at her majesty in the eyes. "Ahaha... I was... going to reserve that honor to yourself, Hime-sama."

You got lucky there, bunny.

"Hm... I suppose that's true." it's not like she's even mad in the first place. "Anyway, let me introduce myself-" she does a polite bow, bending her body forward until her forehead touches the tatami matted flooring of the room. "-I am Houraisan Kaguya and I would like to ask the two of you brave souls for a favor that will repay greatly."

Reimu and Marisa notice how grim her voice is through the end of the speech. They can only listen and wait as the princess states her reason.

"Please, Hakurei-san, Kirisame-san; kidnap me."

…

"...hah?"

This is definitely something outside of their expertise.

* * *

When he was six, yes, that young, he was asked a rather... ominous question by a person he just met. A man, he couldn't quite recall the man's features, or if there was anything worth noting. It's just that... the person was a man, that much, he could recall. His young brain, probably, did not factor into anything else other than the simple fact that the person was a man.

He asked him:

 _ **Do you like hurting other people?**_

Just imagine being asked a question like that by a person you don't even know. Naturally, he felt suspicious and a little bit confused. But, weirdly enough, he did answer his question.

He remembered his tone being a little bit indifferent when he answered the person...

 _I do._

Then... the next thing he knew, he was already under the tutelage of one Hatake Kakashi. Before he knew it, he was already flinging B-ranked ninjutsu left and right, cutting down enemies of all sizes and making people's lives miserable. That was seven years ago, now, he's thirteen – soon to be fourteen – and he still couldn't quite recall what happened back then.

The training that Kakashi and his old ANBU division drilled into him has lasted till this day and he is forever grateful for their efforts, even though those days were literally hell on earth for him. It wasn't really strange for someone as young as him to receive ANBU training, believe it or not. Though it was not commonly practiced, and was controversial even amongst those in the ranks, it was possible.

This required the full consent of the kid, multiple aptitude tests and absolute secrecy. The last person, other than him, to ever join the ANBU at such a young age was this pale skinned kid... but he wasn't seen anywhere after the last time Naruto saw him. His training lasted five years and during those five years, he'd rolled with people more than twice his age. It was pretty frustrating at first, being the shortest and the youngest made him the group's lackey.

Yes, hierarchical abuse existed even in a professional division such as ANBU. But it was all done out of good will, or at least, that's what he was told. The Sempais 'bully' or 'overwork' the Kouhais because they wanted him to 'learn' and 'work' underneath pressure. Despite how frustrating and annoying it was, Naruto endured.

After his first five years were over... Naruto was given the choice of serving as an ANBU while being assigned a normal Genin rank. It meant that he would have to work undercover, but nothing that'll make him scream. He would still need to graduate from the Academy first, take the test, spend a year with his team and Jonin instructor and complete the required amount of missions before he could do jobs for the ANBU again.

It would've been one hell of a career. ANBU at a six years old... not even Uchiha Itachi or even his former mentor Hatake Kakashi were ANBU at his age. They've at least reached double digits.

But, Naruto refused.

Refusing means that he would not be granted any shinobi rank or permission to do ANBU related duties ever again. This also meant that the village couldn't conscript him back into ranks since he wasn't even a shinobi to begin with. However, this only made his... exit even harder. He had to go through a lot of psychological tests that had him swear to not leak any of Konoha's important secrets that he'd learned during his time as an ANBU member. He also had to sign a lot of papers to go with it, ugh.

But, after the process was over, he was back to being a kid. He was eleven when he rejoined society, back to the normal life of a civilian orphan. However, that was not the end. That wasn't everything.

"Yukari-san, a pleasure to meet you."

The day he was released from ANBU duties was also the day he met the most troublesome woman of all time.

But here's the kicker:

"Ah, Naruto-kun, a pleasure to meet you too. Tis' a fine evening, is it not?"

She's not even human.

It's safe to say that she was not human. Yes. The beautiful blonde haired and purple garbed woman was not even human in the slightest. Nothing about her screams human, even her looks, though she unquestionably looked the part, her beauty could easily make people question her being. And this was no exaggeration.

Despite being a young teen, Naruto knew to tell whether or not a person was attractive. Yakumo Yukari was definitely up there in his books of attractive people, he'd even go as far as to rank her among the single digits. But sadly, never mind her species, even he wouldn't fall for roses with thorns. And Yakumo Yukari was definitely one.

Having just involved himself in doing repairs on the main building's roof with several other clones, the original Uzumaki Naruto was sweating and looking twice more swarthy than usual. The sleeves of his uniform was rolled up to his biceps, showing muscle tone that no thirteen year old should have, his hair was a mess with sweat and dust covering it and just the overall condition of his attire clued the need for rest.

Just for the sake of information, he was planning to get his rest, until this woman appeared.

She appeared in a way that would even make normal shinobi wonder in confusion. For someone to be able to manipulate the seams of reality, creating a gap in which she could leave and enter wasn't what you normally considered normal, no? Inside his office, she appeared through her gaps, forming in thin air. Naruto dare not to see what's really inside of those gaps, for he knew that it's not worth the curiosity.

"It's rare to see you here, Yukari-san. What's your reason being here?" the ex-ANBU operative questioned with his tone sounding a little bit too suspicious of the woman before him.

With her strange puffy cap on her head, Yakumo Yukari lets out a flutter of giggles. "Ufufufu, isn't that quite rude to your sponsor, Naruto-kun? After all, I helped you fund and build your little empire."

Naruto would've rolled his eyes and snorted if it wasn't for the fact that she was right. He did not build Kawakami by himself. Nope, no way. It took months of preparations, multiple meetings with contacts, a heck lot of papers to write on and a shit-ton of money. But mostly the money part. And noticed how he said months? Yes, thanks to this woman, it only took him months where it would take anyone else years to do.

Yakumo Yukari was that very same woman who he met the day he was released from ANBU service and during that day, he felt like he had just made a deal with the Devil himself. Well, it wasn't exactly wrong. She was also the one who brought along the idea of building a freelance psuedo-mercenary-like business to him. At that time, he thought of the idea as being redundant and just plain a waste of time and money, seeing as how almost every major and minor settlement throughout the continent had their own form of military infrastructure. However, Yukari managed to prove him that as time progress, so did the way wars were fought.

To get a glimpse of what she did, let us talk about the incident that happened here in the Land of Fire a few months back, although it was already way ahead Naruto's realization.

The incident was known as the Arms Distribution Scandal and there were three major parties involved in it, those being Kusagakure, Kumogakure and Konohagakure. The scandal, as the name suggested, involved a deal that Konoha and Kusa had struck at a prior moment. Konoha would supply Kusa with the equipment, gear and weapons they need for their shinobi program but they were not allowed to officially ally themselves with Kumo or any other villages which are not neutral to Konoha. But, as it turns out, Kusa has been acting as a fake buyer for Kumo.

Kumo would give Kusa money in order to buy gear and equipment from Konoha, before giving them to Kumo who'll then pay them a reasonable amount of money in return. Though it is unclear why Kusa would ally itself with Kumo, the fact that there is this breach of trust from Kusagakure means that Konoha would no longer come to their aid should they or should they not request it.

This deal had been ongoing for a full year, so it's safe to say that there won't be any more important deals to be made between Konoha and Kusa.

"I heard about that recent scandal, looks like they're finally acknowledging you for the job." From behind her fan, it was unclear as to what expression the purple wearing woman was making. But there is no missing the amusement in her voice. "Bravo. The additional reputation won't hurt."

Yes, he and his clones were the one who found out about the scandal.

And it's not like it's a hard job to begin with. Kusa and Kumo were far from each other, they're literally a continent away, so it's kinda dumb for Kumo to want to go through all the pain of dealing with all the expensive transport fee and the risk of being ratted out to Konoha superiors. But it seems that they didn't have to worry about that last one.

Having built Kawakami on the outskirt of Konoha and Kusa, it's a little bit hard to not notice the movements of patrol teams sent out either by Konoha or Kusa. But unluckily for Kusa, they weren't affiliated with him like Konoha was, so when his clones sensed suspicious movements on a sector near his base, he went to check it out. A fully armed Kusa convoy was making its way back to Kusa from Konoha. At first, it wasn't exactly suspicious since it's normal for buyers to get the gears themselves from suppliers, but what's odd to him was the fact that there were Kumo ninjas present.

Looks like, at that time, the particular location they've chosen was some sort of a meeting spot for the two. Naruto felt like something was fishy the moment he saw those two faction interact with each other. Kusa wasn't supposed to ally itself with Kumo in the first place, after all. And Kumo ninjas that far away from Lightning Country? All too smelly for him.

As soon as the exchange ended, he sent clones for Konoha immediately, successfully reporting what he saw to the Hokage himself. The old man was skeptical of him at first, even threatening to give him punishment if he couldn't provide him with any evidence.

It was during that point he had to delve into a more shinobi-esque line of work.

"So, how goes everything?" She takes slow and mannered steps around the spacious office room, pacing around, paying attention to every little detail present inside. "I trust that everything's doing well?"

"Never better." If his clones refer to him as Boss then, technically, Yukari would be their Big Boss. But Yukari made it clear that she wanted no direct responsibilities on her shoulders, as such was why she left all of the managing, operating and funding responsibilities to him. Though she occasionally stopped by to visit, time to time, like now.

"Good, that's good news." Naruto could hear her giggling and it caused his suspicion level for her to rise by a considerable margin. "Ah, speaking of good news, I heard that there will be festival held here in Konoha in a month's time. Is that true?"

"It's true." was the blonde's direct confirmation. "Why? Think of visiting?"

The woman came to a halt, the heel of her... boots tapping on the ceramic floor, causing a loud and audible clink noise to reverberate through the room. "Hmm... that might not be a bad idea, thank you for the suggestion, Naruto-kun. You're such a smart boy, aren't you?"

A vein almost popped on his forehead. He knew she's, like, waaaaaay older than he was and that she's a Youkai, but fuck, he's not a little kid.

"And did you grow taller, hmm, it seems you do."

"GODAMMIT WOMAN!"

After that outburst, Naruto's left with the miserable feeling of being baited into Yukari's trap of easy teasing. And the fact that she's giggling over his reaction was making the feeling even way worse than what it was.

"But if I decided to stop by and visit the festival, would you be there to escort me, Naruto-kun?" Ugh, she's using that eerily creepy sweet voice at him. She'd only use it when she's either teasing him or when she wanted something done.

"...not to sure about that." he sighed.

Yukari raised an eyebrow. "Oh?" She didn't detect any sarcasm or humor from the boy's tone, so it may just mean something serious. "Why, are you busy?"

"Yup." He sighed even louder. Now Yukari's interested. "We got a job from the Hokage, bigger than anything we've ever received." the blonde boy's voice was far too grim and heavy for Yukari to consider this as a tasteless joke.

"What is it?" Yukari was still a co-owner of Kawakami, she also deserved to know any projects or jobs that the clones – or just Naruto – was taking or going to take.

"I'm to be security detail for the daughter of the Fire Lord himself."

"Oh my." For once in a long time, Yukari showed genuine surprise. She hid her mouth behind her fan, but her eyes showed the expression crystal clear. "You weren't kidding about it being a big job."

"Yeah, why would I?"

Giggling, the woman gave the human an apologetic look, her smile still masked behind her fan. "Forgive me, it's not that I don't trust you..." she saw him roll his eyes. "But, I'd be more than happy to help, although... I'm afraid that even I am limited at the moment."

Now it's Naruto's turn to look surprised. His benefactor slash partner is one of the most resourceful and cunning woman he's ever encountered in his short life. She's also a youkai with the mind boggling ability of manipulating literally everything and everyone she'd ever met. So knowing that even a being like her's experiencing some sort of behind the scenes technical difficulty was pretty surprising.

"Oh? Is Ran or Chen not with you at the moment?" Naruto asked, his voice barely contained.

Yukari nodded, a bit too slowly. "Unfortunately." she confirmed. "They're away doing their respective tasks, but knowing Ran, she should probably be done in... about a month or two." her face slipped into uncertainty, but never losing the smile. "Chen on the other hand... I can only hope she remembered what Ran has been teaching her."

Naruto shook his head. If even Yukari couldn't help him then so be it, he'd find a way to do the job on his own... it's not like he's only limited to one head.

"But if there is something I can help you with, don't hesitate to call me, Naruto-kun."

Oh yeah and there's that. This woman also had the definitely and unquestionably bad habit of popping up whenever he's uttering her name of mentioned her. Talk about stalker much...

"Yeah, yeah." he rolled his blue eyes. "Thank you for the suggestion, Yukari. And even if you decided to come, I'll make sure to spare some time to show you around town."

"Ufufufu, how gentleman-like of you." she did a curtsy, tipping her body, whilst holding the edge of her dress. "It'd be an honor."

"Shuddup."


End file.
